very bad freewrite about more death i had to watch second hand.

church preschool libraries never could
hold hearts this big, and heavy,
i don't respect people
nearly as much as i should
it's too bad i always wait
until things like tragedy
strike the people around me,
it's like learning about war
from the safety of a television set.
i seem to get lessons the hard way
OR
second-hand.
we call this a high school small group
we pretend we talk about jesus
really just not saying,
that we are all trying to fight
impending adulthood
but Libby's dam has just burst.
my high school has seen
too many deaths this year -
7, at last count -
this one was drunk driving.
with sirens like symphonies
irresponsibility randomizes its victims.
so when the media tries to bully
"us kids"
into submission
with Libby's best friend's dead body
i want to throw tombstone missiles
at who's in charge?
she is sobbing,
for a girl whose reputation
can't quite rest in peace
why are we left to apologize
for an execution that didn't
fit the crime?
why can't we just mourn
with the respect i'm learning to have?
we're being taught to behave
at the expense of the ones who have lost
just about everything,
and Libby stopped drinking a long time ago,
but she feels guilty
for things she thinks she could have stopped.
and i'm stock-still, again,
just able to watch,
not even able to comfort.
i have nothing to grieve.
so what is this poem about, anyway?