weirdskylightsandtoomuchconfusioniwanttoun derstandallthings.

mercy: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence.

love thy enemy. woops.

passion has more than one direction and therefore must be controlled. but i am far too small to deal with my own soul. i believe in a christ who loves the people who hate him. vulgarity may be a drawback of mine, but i have said before, 'i don't want to fucking be religious. i just want to be like jesus.' it would be an honor for someone to say, she loved the people who hated her.

everyone has enemies. arguably, i've made my own.

i don't believe that ultimate mercy is a human-possessed trait. people can have merciful instances, yeah, but it takes something of divinity to own it. and i don't have that yet.

hold fast and don't let go - the definition of real prayer.

uh, woops again.

prayer shouldn't be birthed out of necessity, but i forgot. i forgot that prayer is the boat, not the lifeline. that was a crappy metaphor. i don't want to be called a poet like i don't want to be called a christian. titles are often only pretentious (not always, but often). and what happened to my posture of humility? real jesus-ness is a theology of humility. woops woops woops, sometimes i am made of the opposite of everything i believe in. but i do believe in it.

there is so much upside down. i have too many questions. and too many beliefs. why do i believe all this? i do. i do i do i do with all of my cells and blood and head and heart and life why is this so clear?

this is what happens when i walk the line between confused and

there
is
no
alternative

what else can i
do
with
jesus?

END STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS.