luke 20.19b - in rememberance.

father, forgive me
for i know not what i do
when i
forget
that this is a gift
not a right
not a pedestal
not something for mine glory
i didn't remember those days
when the words you put
inside me
were the only things
that made sense
the way now
the feet below my ankles
are the only things i can fight with
i promise,
i know what beauty is
so please open my eyes
to see it again
i am looking in all the
wrong places.
i am searching for self-fulfillment
coming up empty handed
(with despair)
crucify my lack of humility.
it's true,
it was my culture that taught me
to be angry
like i am
but we are all responsible.
you put art inside my eardrums
that's why i started doing this
word-order-search-hunt-scavenger-the-thrill-of


this
is my music.

this is how i sing
you gave me this song so long ago
to have and to hold
until my mental faculties
do us part
but i lost my eyesight on purpose,
abandoned the fight
for damascus
long ago
in hopes of finding autonomy
but i miss the sunset.
so where's the angel on the road?
can you tell him that i'm lost, again?
that i've forgotten
what my footprints look like
and thus
how to listen
for my name

but you are good
and you are bigger than all these
falls from grace
and my truancies from truth
you are good
to me.